child life journey
15 weeks of learning, growing, overthinking, finding my confidence, and figuring out where i fit. click a week to read along ♡
figuring out where i fit
i officially survived my first week of my child life internship, and honestly, i think the biggest word for this week was nervous.
going into internship, i knew everything that i had learned in school. i had already completed a practicum. i work in a pediatric emergency room. i’m around kids and families in the hospital all the time. but being there as a child life intern felt completely different.
i wasn't there as a tech. i wasn't there to take vitals, draw blood, do an ekg, or complete a task and move on to the next patient. i was there to pay attention to the child, the family, how they were coping, what they needed, and where i could fit into that.
and in the beginning, i was definitely in my head about it.
i think being an intern makes you feel like you're supposed to know what you're doing while also knowing that you're literally there because you're still learning. you don't want to say the wrong thing. you don't want to walk into a room when you shouldn't. you don't want to miss something. you don't want to overstep. so naturally, i was overthinking everything lol.
but something started changing even within those first couple of days.
i started going into rooms more independently. i was introducing myself to families, talking to the kids, figuring out what they liked, bringing toys and activities, and checking in with caregivers. instead of only watching someone else do child life, i was actually starting to do it myself.
that was probably one of my favorite realizations from week 1.
wait... i actually know how to do this.
not everything, obviously lol. i have a long way to go. but i wasn't completely lost like my nerves had convinced me i would be.
i also started realizing how different child life can look from patient to patient. sometimes it's play. sometimes it's talking to a parent. sometimes it's observing first. sometimes it's figuring out what a child likes and using that as your way in. and sometimes the best thing you can do is simply watch how another child life specialist handles a situation and learn from it.
that first week really became less about proving that i could do everything and more about learning where i fit.
i think that's going to be one of the biggest lessons of this entire internship for me, separating the part of me that is used to being a pediatric er tech from the person i'm becoming as a future child life specialist. i'm used to walking into a hospital room knowing exactly what task needs to be done. child life isn't always like that. sometimes you have to slow down, assess what's happening, and let the child or family show you what they need.
by the end of the week, i still had nerves. i was still overthinking some things. i definitely wasn't walking around feeling like i had mastered child life after five days lol.
but i was more comfortable than i was when i started.
and honestly, for week 1?
that was enough.
getting out of my head
week 2 felt different.
i was still very much an intern. i still had moments where i questioned myself and wondered if i was doing something the “right” way, but i wasn't walking into every situation feeling as nervous as i did during week 1.
i think i was starting to realize that i didn't have to have the perfect thing to say every single time.
a lot of child life is really about paying attention.
paying attention to what a child is telling you, even when they aren't necessarily saying it with words. paying attention to the parents. paying attention to how the medical team is interacting with the family. and honestly, paying attention to when you need to step forward and when you need to just observe.
that was something i started understanding more this week.
i also started becoming more comfortable walking into rooms, introducing myself, talking with families, and finding out what the kids actually wanted instead of feeling like i needed to come into every room with this perfect child life plan already figured out.
sometimes they wanted to play.
sometimes they wanted something to do in their room.
sometimes the parent needed support too.
and sometimes... they really did not care that i was there lol.
and i'm learning that all of those responses are okay.
i think one of the hardest things about being an intern is wanting every interaction to feel meaningful. you want to leave the room thinking, yes, i did something. but i'm slowly learning that this isn't about me feeling accomplished after every patient. it's about meeting that child and family where they are.
if they don't need me right now, that's okay.
if all i did was introduce myself so they know child life exists, that's okay too.
if i watched my preceptor handle something and learned from it instead of being the person doing it, that still counts as learning.
i was also starting to understand just how much family-centered care matters. you're not only looking at the child in the hospital bed. their caregiver is experiencing this hospitalization too, and the way a parent is feeling can completely change what an interaction looks like.
there were moments this week where i found myself paying more attention to the whole room instead of only focusing on the patient.
and i think that's where i started noticing a little shift in myself.
week 1 was very much:
what am i supposed to do?
week 2 started becoming:
what does this patient need from me?
those sound similar, but they're actually very different questions.
one centers me.
the other centers them.
i'm definitely still learning. i still overthink. i still replay interactions in my head afterward and wonder what i could've done differently because... unfortunately, that is just who i am lol.
but i'm getting there.
little by little, room by room, interaction by interaction.
starting to trust myself
by week 3, i think i finally started to feel a little less like “the intern” and a little more like i actually belonged there.
not in a girl, i know everything now kind of way lol because absolutely not. but i wasn't second-guessing every single move anymore.
my mornings started getting busier, and surprisingly, i liked it.
i was going from patient to patient, checking in with families, bringing activities, following up with kids i had already met, and getting more opportunities to be involved during procedures. instead of having so much time to sit there and overthink what i should say or do next, i just had to... do it.
and i think i needed that.
one thing that really stood out to me this week was seeing how different every child can be during something as simple as bloodwork.
one child may cry before you even start. another might want mom or dad right next to them. another may not want child life involved at all. an older child might be completely capable of telling you whether they want you there.
i'm learning that support isn't one-size-fits-all.
i had an interaction with an adolescent where someone questioned whether child life was even necessary because of his age. instead of automatically leaving because he was “old enough,” i checked with him.
that stuck with me.
being a teenager doesn't suddenly mean you don't get nervous, need support, or deserve a choice. and at the same time, being child life doesn't mean i should automatically assume he needs me either. giving him the choice was support too.
i also had a younger patient who had a really difficult time during bloodwork. she was crying and didn't want anything from me while it was happening, so i respected that.
but i went back.
and that follow-up completely changed the interaction.
once everything was over and she was calmer, she was able to tell me that she was scared because she didn't like needles. we talked about how being afraid was okay, and i got to learn about the things she actually enjoyed, drawing, arts and crafts, games.
that interaction taught me something i really needed to learn:
child life support doesn't always “work” in the moment.
and maybe “work” isn't even the right word.
my job isn't to make every child stop crying.
my job isn't to make them suddenly okay with a needle.
sometimes the child is going to cry. sometimes they're going to say no. sometimes they're not going to want me anywhere near them.
i can respect that and still come back.
i think earlier in internship i would've walked away from an interaction like that wondering what i did wrong. now i'm starting to understand that a child's emotions aren't a grade on how well i did my job.
i'm also getting better at recognizing when i need to let somebody else do their job while i stay in my role. coming from the er, there are things i'm used to automatically jumping in and helping with. during internship, i'm learning that i don't always need to be that person. if another staff member can handle positioning or the medical side of a procedure, i can focus on what i'm actually there to learn: coping, comfort, preparation, play, choice, and emotional support.
that separation is becoming clearer.
and honestly?
i think week 3 was the first week where i could really see my confidence changing.
i'm still going to overthink because apparently that's not leaving anytime soon lol, but i'm not letting it stop me from walking into the next room anymore.
maybe i’m getting the hang of this
four weeks in.
which is actually crazy because i remember starting this internship wondering how i was ever going to get comfortable doing all of this.
this week felt different.
my mornings were busy. like going from room to room, bloodwork, checking in with families, following up with patients i had already met, introducing myself to new families, finding activities, going back to rooms... and somehow?
i liked it.
actually, i loved it.
i thought having a busy morning would make me nervous because as an intern, you already put so much pressure on yourself. you don't want to make a mistake. you don't want to forget something. you don't want to say the wrong thing. and if you're anything like me, you can overthink and overanalyze every little interaction afterward.
but this week i started experiencing the opposite.
the busier i was, the less time i had to sit there questioning myself.
i just... did it.
one of my biggest lessons this week was realizing that being useful doesn't always mean being the person doing something.
there were procedures where i walked into the room and the child already had mom or dad, a nurse, a tech, and other staff supporting them. earlier in my internship, i probably would've been standing there thinking, okay... what am i supposed to do? where do i fit?
and honestly, i still had a moment this week where i felt a little disappointed because i didn't feel needed.
but then i had to remind myself: this isn't about me.
if a child already feels supported, that's good.
i don't need to add another voice saying, “good job! good job!” just so i can feel like i participated. sometimes my role is being available and recognizing that the child already has what they need.
that was a big realization for me.
i also had some really sweet play interactions this week. i spent time with a five-year-old who wanted a baby doll, and we ended up sitting together feeding her baby and having a whole conversation about whether this baby was full yet lol. something so simple turned into this little world she created, and i got to follow her lead.
another child was upset because being in the hospital meant she was missing her music class. and wouldn't you know, we had music group that day.
the excitement when i told her she could come?!
those are the moments that remind me that child life isn't only about procedures and scary hospital things. sometimes it's figuring out how to bring a little piece of a child's regular life into a place that feels nothing like home.
i also worked with an adolescent who told me she loved scrapbooking. we didn't have a ready-made scrapbook activity, but instead of stopping there, we looked through what we did have. stickers, beads, craft materials, decorations, we basically figured it out.
and she loved it.
i'm starting to understand that child life requires a lot of creativity. you're not always going to have the perfect activity sitting on a shelf waiting for you. sometimes you listen to what the child actually wants and figure out how to make it happen with what you have.
but probably my favorite moment of this week wasn't even a patient interaction.
one morning, my preceptor was busy somewhere else when it was time for bloodwork.
and the team came looking for me.
me.
they could've just continued what they were doing, but they came and got me so i could join them.
it seems like such a small thing, but it meant a lot to me because i remember how unsure i felt during my first week. now i'm walking around the unit independently, following up with my own patients, supporting procedures, and becoming someone the team recognizes as part of what's happening.
i also learned something this week that i want to carry with me for the rest of internship:
walk into the room with a goal, not a checklist.
that came from one of the child life specialists during a module, and whew.
because a goal can be tiny.
maybe i want to learn the child's name.
maybe i want to find out what they like.
maybe i want to understand how mom is coping.
maybe i want to figure out what would make this procedure a little easier.
the point isn't walking into every room thinking:
okay, introduce myself. ask this. do this. offer this. leave.
i'm not a robot.
neither are these families.
have a purpose, but let the interaction be what it needs to be.
and i think that pretty much sums up week 4 for me.
i'm not walking around thinking i know everything now. absolutely not lol. every day i'm learning something new.
but i'm not standing outside every patient's room wondering whether i belong there anymore either.
i'm starting to trust that i can walk in, assess what's happening, listen to the patient and family, and figure out where i fit.
and four weeks ago?
i definitely wasn't there yet.
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